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Learn A New Trick
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victoria_lane

Every year that Burning Man comes around, I reflect upon transforming my life.  I’ve done it twice in the last year.  This latest shot at it has panned out better than I could have imagined but I am still so far from where I want to be.

Now I am at a bit of a crossroads.  I tapped, unexpectedly, into something huge and I am flourishing for the most part.  But I’m realizing, for the millionth time, that no matter how grand these dreams someone else puts into motion are that I am lucky enough to be part of, I still burn for my own dreams.  And there is an undercurrent of dissatisfaction muttering through it all.

It feels like settling to not take the ultimate risk of putting everything I am on the line to birth a dream from out of my soul. I am a visionary not a follower.  And I need to be constantly challenged with new things to stay happy.

The other thing Burning Man offers that is hard to find in Los Angeles is a safe place to be creative.  With the dawn of the digital age, anyone putting anything out there is swamped with all sorts of input, most of which is very negative.  It takes whatever critical voice we have inside go into overdrive.  I know I am ready to defeat that voice but I just need a little bubble of supportiveness to get started. 

I haven’t been able to find it.

But I’m standing here at this same place I’ve been so many times. This time, I won’t be talked out of the years of experience and wisdom I have gathered.

I’m in a good place.  It’s not my place.  So I need to find balance.  I need to find a way to pour my best into the other person’s dream but walk away at the end of the day and focus on nurturing my dream.  There is a way to be responsible to one yet honor the other.


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