"Change is created by those whose imaginations are bigger than their circumstances." -- Unknown source


The heatwave continues to have a smoldering stranglehold on Los Angeles. It doesn't feel like October. Spring and Summer have been a seemingly eternal parade of triple digit weather with very little reprieve. I crave a rainy day or three full of gloomy clouds and chilly winds. For now, though, I'd settle for weather that doesn't melt the skin off my face.

I've spent a great deal of time reading Ultra Metabolism to unravel my fitness issues. Just like the little voice inside my head has been telling me for months now, it seems that stress is the enemy with regards to so much that isn't working properly in my world. (That and the sugar in my coffee addiction.) With the added bonus of our economic climate, and my less than secret frustration with the stupidity fueling so many bad choices, it is no longer a luxury. My fight or flight response is burnt out and now poisoning my body.

I haven't been able to write this week. Even writing this blog is a bit forced. I'm not inspired. I'm frustrated with other projects falling apart due to the credit freeze and economic crisis. It's already difficult getting things done in this town but now it's twice as challenging.

I don't necessarily agree with every point but there is a great blog entry here by an entertainment lawyer about the situation. In my experiences this month, individual investors and companies are being very cautious with their money. And any chance of getting a short term business loan is slim. I'm having to face the fact that I need to either scale down my concepts or shelve them for now.

On the bright side, I have been submitting for roles and receiving at least one audition opportunity every day. Eventually, I'll get cast.

The production I've been working on for months has experienced a number of set backs. The writer I had in mind didn't end up working out. He's very talented but the energy and feel I was looking for just wasn't there. The venues I had access to were simply not ideal either. Normally, I'd be very frustrated but I recognize that this is too important to throw together. Once I have a new formula I can do fast pre-productions but I need to find that new lightening in a bottle first.

In the last week I had a creative spark that could form the kernel for a new direction. I was walking home from an excursion out to the Arts District, listening to my iPod, and out of the ether two ideas came thundering across my mind's eye to meld into one concept. It was so strong I discovered myself doing that odd walking dance thing I am in peril of while listening to music that makes me want to move. The world around me had totally faded. It was the first time my mind decided to stage a performance rather than write out prose in a very long time.

It was a massive moment of creative evolution.

Every day things are a little more surreal than they were only the day before. This tailspin we are in as a nation can no longer be denied. I feel like I'm living some pre-apocalyptic trip, which is something I've felt for quite some time. These days, it seems less silly when I turn on the news. I often wonder if people felt this way in other tense times through out the striking moments of the previous century.

We survived Friday's heat, much to my surprise. We later found out that we were quite blessed. The power went out all over Noho and Van Nuys. By some miracle, we were the tiny bit of North Hollywood that didn't lose power. Apparently, peak demand in this area exceeded ability to provide during the worst part of the heat. The local news showed people (and children) holding up signs protesting the outage and demanding the power be turned back on. Our good fortune aside, it is an ominous harbinger of what this summer will be like. I'm wondering how we'll do this weekend while everyone is home using their electricity.

Getting the show off the ground has been slow going. I found a venue that was nuts about the concept and wants the production but some of my non-negotiable requirements, such as a dressing room, are not something they can provide. I'm waiting on a face to face meeting and a walk-thru before I make a final decision. I'm contemplating creating something else that would work in their space. Being given the support to create without being gouged for production costs is a rarity in Hollywood.

Thursday afternoon, I ventured into Hollywood on a dreaded event night to meet with a writer. AFI was tributing Warren Beatty over at The Kodak Theater, which meant lots of traffic and the longest red carpet you've ever seen in your life outside of the Oscars. It was a bit of a mess.

The original plan had been to meet over at CyberJava but when I came from out of the depths of the subway station I had a text from the writer asking if we could change venues to his apartment in an historic landmark. I was more than a little grumpy from lack of food and coffee so I was very annoyed by the idea. He managed to talk me into it regardless.

I was begrudgingly shocked to walk down Fountain and suddenly see this striking red building rise out of nowhere. I couldn't believe how long I've lived, worked and walked all over Hollywood yet failed to see this gem from the 1920s or 30's called The Nirvana.








The inside was incredibly well preserved. The hallways were studies in cinematic perspective melded with art. The apartments had some updating in the kitchens but everything else was untouched right down to the strange little built in vanities older homes in Hollywood contain. In the case of this building, The Nirvana used to be a hotel, no doubt theming itself off of the Chinese Theater just down the block from it.

Oddly enough, that particular style of Asian architecture meets deco decor is making a comeback in Hollywood. The old Kress department store, which most locals will remember as Frederick's of Hollywood for the past however many years, is being restored as a lavish restaurant/night club featuring rich Chinese interiors with that old deco presentation circa 1934.








In the end, I was glad to have made the change in venues for our meeting. Getting to discover yet another little piece of Hollywood history always makes me feel connected to the story that is Tinseltown.

"Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered for they are gone forever." -- Horace Mann

"If, before going to bed every night, you will tear a page from the calendar, and remark, 'there goes another day of my life, never to return,' you will become time conscious." -- A. B. Zu Tavern

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
-- Annie Dillard



My days feel like a flurry of hours and at the end of them, I wonder what the hell happened. I've been swallowed down a rabbit hole for the better part of the week trying to get this production off the ground while continuing to organize our work/live space and maintain other ongoing projects. My level of exhaustion is so extreme, I fell asleep at one point right after drinking a very strong latte, though it was a dirty repose that didn't provide any refreshment. I was on various frenetic missions even while dreaming and woke up with the disquiet of tasks left unfinished that weren't even real.

It's too much. I'm trying to accomplish far too much too soon after the months long purging of bad habits. I need to slow down, remove the complications, retain my rituals and add twice the cardio for stress management.

Speaking of fitness, I finally feel sassy again in my own body. It shows in the way I walk, which I noticed for the first time during my morning walk to fetch coffee earlier in the week. It's bizarre how a mere six pounds makes such a difference for me. I won't feel that same level of progress again until I lose another ten.

I'm off to run around Hollywood in premiere traffic. This time, at least, I know it's going to be there in advance.

This morning has been a bit vexing. I went on my usual walk to fetch a Caribou Coffee only to discover that the store was out. All that was left were Starbucks drinks. I ended up picking a Starbucks coffee plus energy drink which tastes like someone dumped a red bull into a weak Boston-styled coffee. It is not good. The only thing keeping me from going on a murderous rampage over the sacrilege rendered upon the precious bean is the fact that it still worked and I'm as sharp as a razer's edge. I could etch my name on the head of a pin right now.

I'm in the very beginning stages of mounting a production. My attention has been focused inward to an extreme as I stage concepts in the theater of my mind's eye and gather the necessary talent from my massive network. It's a scary, delicate and exciting time I'm very protective of so I won't be discussing in detail. This is a leap several years in the making.

There is also that night of dark excess I've hinted at coming up very soon. I have been saving a dress for the occasion and it's screaming at me from the closet to come out to play.

"There is in all visible things - a hidden wholeness." -- Thomas Merton


Another heatwave is about to hit the entire state of California from Sacramento to San Diego today. It will go on for several days. Needless to say, this is not good news. I am now predicting that when July and August roll around, we'll have entire weeks on end of triple digit heat smothering the west coast. I realize this topic was a turn off for many of my readers. But it's terribly short sighted to think this is just random bitching. The impact of oppressive heat in a state that has had rolling black outs and brown outs in recent years due to an over loaded energy grid coupled with the sky rocketing price of power will be deeply problematic if not deadly.

I sat down with several people yesterday in regards to my idea for a piece of original theater. It went over well in every case. If anything, there was an air of 'it's about time' as subtext. So, now the hard work of putting together the pieces and working with a few writers, myself included, begins. I have a few venues in mind, most of which are cabaret lounges (a mix of theater and bar as I enjoy a gently lubricated crowd ready to indulge in revelry). I've offered a tentative date in July as the first performance.

A carefully constructed den of iniquity that I've been co-creating will go live in late June. It's an experiment in nightlife that has worked in the past and is presently working in various places right now. Our theme, of course, is different from present offerings and based in dark fantasy rather than historic eras. It'll be a type of member's only situation. Patrons will have to be in possession of a special card to find out about the secret location and gain entry to the lavish lounge nestled in an unlikely place. And it is just gorgeous.

Many other little delights are in the works but this will have to do for now. I am racing the rising temperature toward the afternoon when it will be utterly impossible to get a thing done save strip clothing and pray for dusk.

"Memory is the cabinet of the imagination, the treasury of reason, the registry of conscience, and the council chamber of thought." -- Basile


When I'm in an intensive writing phase, I create little side journeys and missions just to get me up out of the chair every few hours or I'll blow up to become truly over weight if not mental mush. That and my mind needs the break of doing something tedious, repetitive or automated just to reset. I wrote yesterday well into the wee hours of the morning, taking a number of strange little adventures, until I could barely keep my eyes open and my mouse hand was about to curl up in cramped protest. As a result, it ruined my Tuesday entirely. I had a very late start.

In the good news department, they caught the guy who stabbed the school teacher just a few blocks away from me. I have a little respect now for the North Hollywood police. Well done!

Someone had that dreaded P word on their lips today, asking if I'd produce something. It hit home for me how much I'd prefer to not have the headache of thankless responsibility for quite some time. I've worn that hat way too much without the right tools or the power to make it work this year. I won't don that weighty thing again until the time is right and I have more cache than I seem to have right now or something very important to communicate through the project.

In the realm of the WGA Strike, more and more people I know are out of work as productions wind down due to nothing to shoot. My opportunities, however, haven't seemed to dry up, for which I am grateful. I need to make something happen very soon.

"When flowing water ... meets with obstacles on its path, a blockage in its journey, it pauses. It increases in volume and strength, filling up in front of the obstacle and eventually spilling past it...."

"Do not turn and run, for there is nowhere worthwhile for you to go. Do not attempt to push ahead into the danger ... emulate the example of the water: Pause and build up your strength until the obstacle no longer represents a blockage."

-- from the I Ching, presented in To Build the Life You Want, Create the Work You Love: The Spiritual Dimension of Entrepreneuring by Marsha Sinetar



We have a process in the entertainment industry. Everything is mapped out to the very last detail. It doesn't mean that our productions run perfectly, but they are so well defined that when something goes wrong, and something always goes wrong, we know how to think as well as consider options quickly so as to survive them. It's why artists rehearse - so that under various circumstances, we can do our act. The same goes for a production staff. I tried to get these values through in the last three months with regards to an event. I went largely ignored on those attempts and, as could be predicted, when the moment of truth came, a lot of things went to hell very quickly. Further, people could not handle the crucible of pressure and acted with a great deal of disrespect to many around them. That's all I am going to say at the moment about the topic because I'm still processing the experience of watching people trying to lay a golden egg.

There were some truly incredible moments of that night, regardless. Most of my pleasure came from human and artistic connection. Meeting Anthoni of Monastic was down right spiritual and joyful. His performance stopped the room. Even the jaded, too cool to be impressed club kids shut the hell up and stood transfixed. It was a beautiful Fifth Element moment, as Anthoni described it himself.

Forest on her spider web up in The Spider Club (built by her equally talented boyfriend) was a sight to behold. She's so very gifted and moves like a wicked little nymph. Her tango on the main stage, even with very little room to dance along with her charming partner, was also very sexy. They pulled off all of their lifts.

The big body modification opera done jointly by CoRE and AMF was absolutely astounding. While it did have some very slow parts, there was a reason for that. __wolverine__ said it best when comparing the ritual build up to each suspension/piercing feat to going into a trance. I haven't been as floored and moved in ways that stirred up something deep inside of me with a primal force in years. I actually expected to be unable to watch the show. Instead, I was in complete awe and felt a sort of catharsis. Given the type of evening I had, being able to reach me beyond my anger and disappointment was no small accomplishment. Even the guy on the second level lighting/sound board at The Avalon got up on his feet to applaud like the rest of us.

I found out after the fact that we ended up on The Zagat's guide of things to do for Halloween and The Defamer's list of things to do as well.

This was the last of my non contracted work. In the wake of the writer's strike, I have been contemplating respect in Hollywood as well as the sad happenstance that we need to detail in written, legal terms what we will execute, the tools we will be given, the treatment we will/won't tolerate and the compensation expected. But that's just the way it is here. I learned that in spades this past week and I am paying for it dearly.






Happy birthday to the wickedly sassy littlemissrisk!

"Behind every amazing event is someone pulling their hair out while developing a drinking habit possibly augmented by little happy pills. Now pass me the Valium and champagne." -- Victoria Lane

"Often he who does too much does too little." -- Italian Proverb


I have a little parcel of time today with which to loiter, watch the news and otherwise putter about as if I were a normal person who didn't have an insane person's schedule. Of course, I'm spending part of it watching the seconds tick and thinking in what is really an inner scream, "Oh my god, I only have 20 minutes left!" at various intervals (and with the appropriate amount of time stuck in there). It's very constructive.

At some point in the craziness of yesterday's flurry of hours, I managed to watch Pushing Daisies, which featured EJ as a guest star. (He played the old guy in jail who hid the diamonds in a windmill and had a torrid love affair via pigeon.) It was a lot of fun for me because of that. He has the ultimate Hollywood story of tenacity. And, right now, I'm definitely in need of reminders that perseverance will eventually pay off.

As for yesterday, it was an abject nightmare. I wish I could go into details because some of it is actually very funny if you aren't living through it. I am sure one day I will laugh about it myself. I'm hoping that, perhaps, I might be able to share some of these stories after the event is over but I need to decide if it would destroy any confidences or do any of the damage I refuse to do via this medium. If I were a less vain woman, I'd have pulled every blonde hair out of my head over the course of twelve hours.

As an impulse, and a treat to myself, I decided to ferret out some kind of distraction as soon as possible to provide a bit of diversion from the event madness. So I picked up an ADR gig (additional dialogue recording) for an indie film. It's at a little studio within walking distance of where I live and smack dab in the midst of all the places I patronize when I'm having a day of beauty. Friday is all about me as I know that the final days leading up to Hex will be very much about something larger than myself.

Today, I get to be a starlet and not make a single decision that isn't purely creative or related to the color of my nails.

"Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths, or the turning inwards in prayer for five short minutes." -- Etty Hillesum


There were 24 fires total in Southern California during this travesty. 12 of them are either out or 100% contained. The other twelve should make great progress today as the heat is dying along with the winds. Now the stories and rumor mongering have begun. I've heard some heartbreaking stories of friends who know someone that lost everything and have no insurance. And Fox News seems to be doing their usual dirty best to put a political spin on something that has nothing to do with the war on terror. I'm sorry, Fox News, but Al Qaeda did not start these fires.

The performance schedule came out for Hex today and all hell is breaking loose as a result. My day will be full of diplomacy.

None of this is unusual, though. It's just one more challenge in a series of nonstop situations. I haven't come close to placing to word all of the things we've dealt with in the last few weeks. A great deal of work, compromise and altering of plans happens in any production from the live performance type to the sort on any kind of filming set. To get all Zen, you have to be like water and learn to move around the terrain with ease so you can continue forward.

I am in dire need of a latte so I can handle this day. Time to wake up!

I walked outside after watching an hour of coverage on the wildfires possessing Southern California. I expected to choke on ash and smoke. All I inhaled was fresh laundry and suntan lotion. I felt guilty about it. Thousands of people are displaced from their homes and yet my life is utterly undisturbed (unless you count the random asshats who write their sex fantasies to me every week). It feels wrong given the scope of this event. I'm literally surrounded by massive fires here in North Hollywood.

My morning was surreal even beyond that. I played phone tag with Ransom in England. Our hours are very off due to the time difference so we're rarely working at the same time. I'm working on the cover art and I finalized the title of the novel - Tales Of A Hollywood Virgin. The world has given me so much fodder for the novel between the school shootings, internet predators, the staff infections and other circumstances. It's scary to be a teenager these days. You have to be battle ready and sexually aware by 13 or you're screwed. I have no doubt I'd be a far darker woman than I am as a product of these newer generations. The 80's were still relatively idyllic for a teenager in Orange County by comparison.

There is more to tell but I'll save it for later. I have a massive production meeting tonight so I need to make sure my act is together. I am trying to secure a charity that will benefit the fire victims since the missions in Downtown LA were hung up on being the benefactor of an event called "Hex." Hopefully these foundations won't have the same religious hangup because this is a disaster so large, it will take years to repair.

I woke up in a cold sweat with every ounce of energy drained out of me. I had a working nightmare. I've never had one in regards to creative work I've done. This was a new experience. For example, I have had that dream where I'm waiting tables and I'm the only one on the floor while people keep pouring through the doors to be seated. I loathe that dream. I still have it sometimes. But this... was remarkable and an indication of the level of stress I am experiencing.

I have a bad feeling that the clever idea I came up with to cover for the bloody showers won't see fruition. That's the problem with falling in love with my own ideas. I experience deep upset when I can't birth them. I'm feeling a great deal of frustration and lack of personal satisfaction with my own creative process. It's been a tough battle for this project and a few others. I'm fighting hard for things that I fear may not be the payoff that justifies that tenacity. Production is a lot like life. Things happen that you just couldn't plan for and it never goes down perfectly even with detailed organization. It's important to let go of what you can't control and take pleasure in what does work. It's just so hard, particularly for a perfectionist. I want to have faith that in the end, however long it takes to come about, all my efforts will have some meaning.

I'm already looking to what comes next after Hex. I think smaller projects that don't involve hundreds of people will be the way to go. I'm entertaining something I thought was a solo stage project but might be more of a tiny ensemble and embarking on a cabaret night on a much smaller scale. I still have two movies in my future either starting near the end of the year or first thing 2008. Pre production has been hell for both. Of course, I'll be finishing up my novel for Ransom.

As for my stress, I invented a Black Forest Latte as today's distraction. I'll be fine for the next 24 hours.

"Recognize that life is what you get when you're born ... living is what you do with it." -- Jim Allen

"It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery, but what a savage and beautiful country lies in between." -- Diane Ackerman


If you haven't already heard me whine about it, I'm not going to get my bloody Psycho-inspired showers at Hex. I won't get into why but it's out of my hands and I was unable to salvage it so late into the game without spending money I just don't have. My budget is already at its limit.

I've been very upset about this turn of events for a little over a week. I was looking forward to writhing mostly naked while covered in fake blood and go go dancing in an homage to Hitchcock. I ended the greater part of my petulance this weekend and began trying to come up with something equally clever, sexy and wrong to replace it with. I thought I was out of ideas until the alpha waves hit my fried crispy brain yesterday as I fell asleep for the first time in 48 hours. A kernel settled into the fertile grounds of my wicked imagination and germinated.

It is now a fully formed idea with a couple of variations just in case I get another curve ball. I am so excited.

"If you expect the best, you will be the best. Learn to use one of the most powerful laws in this world; change your mental habits to belief instead of disbelief. Learn to expect, not to doubt. In so doing, you bring everything into the realm of possibility." -- Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." -- Helen Keller


Things are stressful in production land. That's all I am going to say about it. It's nothing that can't be worked around or with. But the latest frustrating news came with some good news. A member of our staff nailed down Cinema Secrets as a sponsor for Hex so now we'll be able to use high end theatrical makeup. I'm extremely pleased about that accomplishment. It was on my list of wishes.

Speaking of makeup, I ordered some samples from Everyday Minerals after reading about them in a friend's journal. They only charge a very modest shipping fee to try out three different bases, one concealer and one blush. I thought I'd give the minerals a second try. They arrived earlier in the week and I tried them out Thursday when getting ready for an event. I was very surprised by the results. While I still think that the minerals don't look remotely like natural skin but, rather, heavy makeup, these minerals were very different than the last company I explored. They gave me excellent coverage and the little yellow spot powder for trouble areas is divine. I even like the blush. I haven't worn blush outside of a movie set in well over ten years. In the negative department, they don't hold up to long wear. I have two other formulas to try in the bases that are made for various skin types so I may find one that doesn't do this to me.

I did a little photo documenting for my own records as I try everything out. Here's a 'freshly applied' image and an 'hours later' image:











To counter that makeup moment, I give you this guy. This aspiring horror novelist took his research so much to heart, he murdered and dismembered his girlfriend then, possibly, ate her. Now that's commitment to getting inside his characters.

I sincerely hope Friday isn't another series of small nuclear devices in the form of human drama mucking up projects. I'd like to focus on the already challenging prospect of finishing up the work to make Hex a wildly adventurous evening of revelry and artistic expression. It doesn't need any additional spice.

"Life does not happen to us, it happens from us." -- Mike Wickett

"Be thine own palace, or the world's thy jail." -- John Donne


I'm experiencing production meltdown. It was inevitable. I just didn't expect it to be this drastic and this challenging. It's one of many things going wrong at the moment in spite of planning, a careful process and a great deal of work. It'll work out but I'm very disappointed at the moment. Some of the things I wanted to see happen probably will not make it into the final production. I have to be prepared to just let those things go. The cause of it all was terribly selfish, avoidable and unnecessary. But isn't that always the story here in Tinseltown? I'm starting to crave becoming a novelist and nothing more. It's a solo endeavor for the most part.

I have a fair number of flying dreams every week. I haven't stopped since I was a kid though there have been periods of no flying in my night life. But since the day I embraced being an artist and turned my back on the corporate rat racing, I have had very vivid and epic dreams wherein my main mode of travel has been flying. In the last year, flying isn't easy. I have to swim through the air as if it were thick as pudding or the currents of air going the correct direction are hard to come by so I'm flying against the stream. I know what it all means in terms of analysis. It comes to mind now and then as I take the temperature of my inner wellness. I had another one last night that just about sucked dry any restorative energy I might have banked while resting. I know it is all linked.

But it's nothing a Cherry Cordial Hershey Kiss can't fix. I'll take my moments of magic and delight where I can to counter the frustration of trying to make things happen in a cynical, unreliable town.




Happy Birthday to bigalz!

"The responsibility for both present and future is in our own hands. If we live right today, then tomorrow has to be right." -- Eknath Easwaran

"Time is not a line, but a series of now points." -- Taisen Deshimaru


One of the charities I had wanted to benefit, not realizing it was Catholic or some other sort of christian based organization that would probably not be comfortable taking money from an event with the word 'hex' in it, wrote back after a rather lengthy gap between the date I contacted them and now. They are willing to accept our contribution but anonymously as they don't want to upset their very conservative base of contributors. For some reason, that makes me profoundly sad. It strikes me in a very odd way that anyone would waste their time being offended by who is putting forth money to address the very serious problem of homelessness on Skid Row. As humans, like it or not, we are all connected - the good and the bad. Homelessness happens to people from all walks of life for many reasons. It can happen to liberals, conservatives, christians, pagans and so on. When we start telling others that they cannot be their brother's keeper because they don't share an ideology with some group that is the primary source of donation for a philanthropic endeavor, we not only do that cause a great disservice but ourselves as well. There should be no labels or divides when it comes to the basic concept of service.

Working out with ivy_blue is still a struggle for me. I am hoping next week is easier. I wanted to get serious and heavy with the sculpting but I couldn't begin that way without making myself very ill. Having a little ray of dark sunshine in the morning is wonderful though. It sets a better tone for my days than the internet or turning on CNN. That's a benefit I've felt immediately.

I found out via one of my various film newsletters that Blade Runner - The Final Cut is playing at The Landmark starting tomorrow. There are extended scenes and new special effects. Hopefully, they took out the dreadful narration. I'm very intrigued. Finding the time will be difficult but who knows? Miracles do happen.

It is a mere four days into October and I am feeling the pressure of Hex. These 31 days leading up to the two events were going to be wild no matter how much we planned. I will no doubt be working through the weekend to stay on top of everything and continue to plan ahead as well as prepare so that the final days are just a little less crazy.

"With just a little education and practice on how to manage your emotions, you can move into a new experience of life so rewarding that you will be motivated to keep on managing your emotional nature in order to sustain it. The payoff is delicious in terms of improved quality of life." -- Doc Childre

"The greatest evil that can befall man is that he should come to think ill of himself." -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe


I had another one of those mornings where my alarm went off and I was so nauseous from the simple act of being awake I had to steal more Z's, no matter how much dashing about it would mean later in the morning. I blearily reset my alarm and went painfully back into the troubled oblivion that was my body at rest. When the dreaded techno-inspired sound of my alarm went off just a half hour before I absolutely had to be out of bed, I started making deals with the devil and bartering bits of my soul with the snooze button.

When I finally had to deal with the fact that it was Monday, I threw myself together in three minutes and staggered out to the gym to meet up with ivy_blue. It was one of the hardest things I've done in a while (and I very much wanted to flake) but that's what it will take for me to integrate a workout regularly into my life. I doubt I burned much in the way of calories. I did a decent, careful weight routine on my arms, ripping the muscles just enough to start getting results.

I walked through my day like a zombie about to run out of gas, always seconds away from dropping into a lifeless pile of limbs and intentions. (Well, not gas. Brains, I suppose, since that's what zombies eat.) At 4 pm, I was ready to throw in the towel and crawl back into the pile of animal fur blankets and pillows that populate our bed.

I did manage to pull one major thing out of the torturous passage of hours. I won a small victory by finding a second, local charity to support with a portion of the Hex Halloween tickets. Trying to find charities that are willing to associate with an event sporting the word "Hex" is not easy. Some of these organizations would rather flounder under the burden of too much need than take money they feel is tainted by a mere definition whose only real sin is being theatrical. I was determined, however, to find a charity with a good, public record of financial responsibility that was successfully addressing the homeless issue in Los Angeles, however small the impact might be. The last time I checked, around 68,000 people were considered homeless here. To me, that's staggering. And I see them every day up close because I walk so much. It's a very real part of a visible reality and not some distant statistic.

I was seconds away from slinking off to the bedroom when my phone rang and I answered it against my exhaustion's screaming advice. I ended up walking a couple of miles in the vexing autumn heat to meet with a music video director out in Hollywood. Between the flights of stairs and the mileage covered, I burned some real calories. I think it was worth it. I'll find out soon enough.

Now it is time to burrow into those fur blankets and pass out to the sound of whatever is on television until __wolverine__ comes home to join me. I have mountains to climb in the morning.

"To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge." -- Copernicus


I have quite a bit to accomplish in the next 31 days. Some of it I should have started two weeks ago but I was too overwhelmed.

ivy_blue and I are going to begin working out together. (Yes, she's going to be careful and I'll be watching.) I need the responsibility factor of an appointment to keep with such a busy schedule or I'll make excuses about being behind on my timeline. I absolutely promised myself that this whole tone and weight issue would be addressed by the time Hex came around. My wardrobe misses me and I miss my fabulous body.

I have costumes to build, an entire show to plan out as well as take through a full pre-production process, dressing rooms to coordinate with an insanely massive cast (including bands), Babylon Blacklist to finish casting and my own show to polish up. I still need to finalize charity as we'd like to benefit two more causes. I also plan to do a modest press junket to promote the event with some of the other beautiful ladies of Hex. I have no idea if I can even get something like that off the ground but I am going to give it my best shot. (So, hint hint - If you have a website, blog, podcast, internet radio, internet television show, live event in LA with a red carpet or any other manner of media that can work for this, please consider lending Hex Halloween a hand in packing The Avalon for a truly unique experience.)

There are a number of other things in the mix I'm entertaining. I won't be discussing any of them unless the ink is drying on the deal or the project has been consummated. Either way, I'm having fun meeting some extremely prolific, talented people regardless of what comes out of it.




Happy Birthday to rochellestar - one of Southern California's hottest vixens.